Thursday, December 15, 2005
Dear God,
I really want to pour out everything to You right now. On Friday night I messed up big time, I tried to take things into my own hands and ended up screwing up really badly. See cos Gloria and Marcus are 2 of my good friends, although I dont really talk to Marcus anymore I still treat him as one, and Marcus likes Gloria but doesnt dare say. And aiya it's a whole long story but the bottomline was, Gloria became really upset with me because she felt like I betrayed her. And in turn I felt like I hadnt treated her as much as a friend as compared to Marcus which I cant understand why, because at present Gloria is and should be more important to me than Marcus. Yeahh and she said really nasty things in return, in a fit of an anger I hope, "Im sorry but all I feel now is hate". Ouch that really really hurts alot & I really regretted with what I did. Yeah so I had such a hard time falling asleep!! And when I finally did, I received a msg from Bobo, saying that the present I gave him (I dropped it off at beans) got thrown away by Tushin the evil disgusting manager! I was like... so numb, Lord. So numb. I didnt know what to feel but it was just stabbing really hard at my heart, it wont stop. At that moment, so many things went through my mind, Lord. How I wont have the face to go beans anymore, how Tushin and all of them think Im such a cheapo, how I regretted my actions because merely by his disapproval, it meant that what I did was wrong to chanmalichan. How I wished I could take back the gift. Haiiiiiiiii. Dear Lord, please heal my heart once again.
So the next few days were spent with my family in Malaysia, away from home, away from the troubles I left behind, away from all sources of communication. It was just my family and I, me and my soul. As I type this, Lord, can You hear my pain? Can You hear the heaviness of my heart? I dont know why but I really think Ive changed. I never used to be so upset, I always thought to myself 'You are so blessed, a complete, happy family, what else could you ask for? A little setbacks wont pull you down, stop being such a self-pitying fool.' Lord, I really hate what Im feeling right now and I pray, Lord I pray, that You can heal this heavy, scarred heart of mine, that You will rise me up once more and see the light, Lord.
Dear God, I am also proud to say that Ive started to preach the gospel to Nick and it's been rather encouraging. I was comforted by the fact that he did not try to pretend to sleep while I told him the story of the forbidden fruit, and how You rescued the Israelites from Egypt. Thank You Lord for giving me the strength to spread Your word and glory, and I pray that You will continue to use me, to bring Nick even closer to You, that one day he will be so blessed as to receive the gift of Christ. Dear God, each time I feel like I have backslided and I dont feel as close to You, but each time I write here I really feel better. It's like I know You are listening to my woes.
Dear God, I pray for the health of my grandmother. She has not been recuperating well and it is worrying. Father I pray that she can recover by Your touch, Lord. That she will be rid of all her pains, Lord.
Dear God, I pray that You will bless upon me strength to rise again Lord, Father I pray that You will heal my heart Lord, that I will be strengthened from all these troubles eventually.
Dear God, I pray for the health of my father and mother, Lord. Father I pray that You continue to watch over them, and that they'd be blessed with good health, Lord. It would be terrible and utmost painful, to even think about losing them.
Dear God, I pray that You will bless me with strength and courage to continue to spread Your glory and Your word, and all I need is You, Lord.
Dear God, I pray for Gloria while she is on her missions trip, Lord. I pray that she will be blessed with good health throughout her trip in Lahu, and that she can shine in the name of Christ and successfully spread Your kingdom and shout Your glory.
Amen.
3:27 AM____________________________________________________
I really want to pour out everything to You right now. On Friday night I messed up big time, I tried to take things into my own hands and ended up screwing up really badly. See cos Gloria and Marcus are 2 of my good friends, although I dont really talk to Marcus anymore I still treat him as one, and Marcus likes Gloria but doesnt dare say. And aiya it's a whole long story but the bottomline was, Gloria became really upset with me because she felt like I betrayed her. And in turn I felt like I hadnt treated her as much as a friend as compared to Marcus which I cant understand why, because at present Gloria is and should be more important to me than Marcus. Yeahh and she said really nasty things in return, in a fit of an anger I hope, "Im sorry but all I feel now is hate". Ouch that really really hurts alot & I really regretted with what I did. Yeah so I had such a hard time falling asleep!! And when I finally did, I received a msg from Bobo, saying that the present I gave him (I dropped it off at beans) got thrown away by Tushin the evil disgusting manager! I was like... so numb, Lord. So numb. I didnt know what to feel but it was just stabbing really hard at my heart, it wont stop. At that moment, so many things went through my mind, Lord. How I wont have the face to go beans anymore, how Tushin and all of them think Im such a cheapo, how I regretted my actions because merely by his disapproval, it meant that what I did was wrong to chanmalichan. How I wished I could take back the gift. Haiiiiiiiii. Dear Lord, please heal my heart once again.
So the next few days were spent with my family in Malaysia, away from home, away from the troubles I left behind, away from all sources of communication. It was just my family and I, me and my soul. As I type this, Lord, can You hear my pain? Can You hear the heaviness of my heart? I dont know why but I really think Ive changed. I never used to be so upset, I always thought to myself 'You are so blessed, a complete, happy family, what else could you ask for? A little setbacks wont pull you down, stop being such a self-pitying fool.' Lord, I really hate what Im feeling right now and I pray, Lord I pray, that You can heal this heavy, scarred heart of mine, that You will rise me up once more and see the light, Lord.
Dear God, I am also proud to say that Ive started to preach the gospel to Nick and it's been rather encouraging. I was comforted by the fact that he did not try to pretend to sleep while I told him the story of the forbidden fruit, and how You rescued the Israelites from Egypt. Thank You Lord for giving me the strength to spread Your word and glory, and I pray that You will continue to use me, to bring Nick even closer to You, that one day he will be so blessed as to receive the gift of Christ. Dear God, each time I feel like I have backslided and I dont feel as close to You, but each time I write here I really feel better. It's like I know You are listening to my woes.
Dear God, I pray for the health of my grandmother. She has not been recuperating well and it is worrying. Father I pray that she can recover by Your touch, Lord. That she will be rid of all her pains, Lord.
Dear God, I pray that You will bless upon me strength to rise again Lord, Father I pray that You will heal my heart Lord, that I will be strengthened from all these troubles eventually.
Dear God, I pray for the health of my father and mother, Lord. Father I pray that You continue to watch over them, and that they'd be blessed with good health, Lord. It would be terrible and utmost painful, to even think about losing them.
Dear God, I pray that You will bless me with strength and courage to continue to spread Your glory and Your word, and all I need is You, Lord.
Dear God, I pray for Gloria while she is on her missions trip, Lord. I pray that she will be blessed with good health throughout her trip in Lahu, and that she can shine in the name of Christ and successfully spread Your kingdom and shout Your glory.
Amen.
3:27 AM____________________________________________________
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