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Monday, December 05, 2005
Dear God,

it has been so emotionally draining tonight. Father, I really need to overcome my fear of making new guy friends. The fear of having to maintain the friendships only is just too much to bear, I cant take it. Today, Zul sent me a message to my phone, wanting to chat with me. I didnt reply him, I couldnt. I was scared to take the friendship to the next level. Dear Lord I know I cant hide anything from You and yes, maybe it's because I know that he might like me considering that he used to, thats why I dont want to talk to him. To avoid him, or to not lead him on. Yeah I guess that's it, Lord. Dear God today when I signed into MSN today, I was pleasantly surprised that Kevin Mulia added me back on MSN. Really, I didnt quite know what to make of it but Ive never bore a grudge for what he did. I let it all go eventually. Yet, I didnt know what to say. It was so awkward, I spoke one-liners while he rattled on and on.. haha. Actually, it's the same. It's all so emotionally taxing. I fear, I fear so much, Lord. That I will be hurt again, that they will do the same thing as Marcus. I need to protect myself, Lord. But Dear Jesus, I know I cannot do this alone. Please heal my scarred heart and erase those painful memories, Father just bless me so that I can rise up again, please take away this weight that hangs so heavily on me.

Please, Lord.

8:49 AM____________________________________________________





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