I am so upset today I could cry, I cried so much the tears were just flowing endlessly Lord, I cried out to You Lord my king, did you hear me desperate plea for help and healing? Netball tryouts today, which I chickened out but just seeing the rest at the court playing really made my heart ache so much, it was unbearable, I cldnt take it and walked away. I should be there, too. Lots of apprehension, regret, and so many 'what ifs'. What if, I had joined netball in sec1. I could possible be fitter and less fat, look better and more appealing. Be more socially acceptable (like please man look at the response when i say chinese drama), have more friends. Have a higher level of netball now. My passion you know. I really really really love netball Lord. I also pray so hard that this recre netball thing will work out. I pray, hard, with heart, Lord. Please Lord if this is Your way then Ill surrender Lord, just speak to me and show me the way. I dont know what to do and Im at a lost. Lord. Lord. Please. I want to seek you.